How new technologies affect love and friendship according to José Abadi

In an era marked by individualism , emotional disconnection and the rise of narcissism, José Abadi, together with Patricia Faur and Bárbara Abadi , invite us to reflect on the fundamental role of love, friendship and empathy in Love in Times of Hate (Grijalbo). This book addresses how human relationships can be repaired and strengthened in a context where loneliness and hyperproductivity seem to prevail. From the record of the other to the challenge of rediscovering pleasure in the bond, the authors propose a path to reconstruct the affective plot that sustains humanity.

The work not only focuses on romantic relationships, but also on the impact of modern technologies , the dynamics of friendship, and the importance of empathy as essential tools for authentic encounters with others. In this interview with Clarín , José Abadi shares key reflections on how today's society can overcome emotional isolation, and how love – in all its forms – remains the vital essence that connects us with others and anchors us to the world.

–Can we meet the challenge of repairing the web of emotional ties without which humanity becomes impossible?

–Yes, the network of ties that is weak at this moment can be repaired. One of the keys is the registration of the other, the exercise of recognizing the other and loving the world in which we are inserted. Occupation, registration, care, attention to life in terms of relationship and not just connection, is one of the keys.

–Love is not a commodity, how do we prevent it from becoming one?

–Love is an experience, it is something that cannot be commercialized or exchanged, it is not a “I give you and you give me back”; it is a feeling that has to do with the exercise of the ability to give, of the happiness that comes from being able to offer something to the other, which does good to the other and shows us that we are not expendable. Love is not based on a useful result in terms of a subsequent material thing but on the enrichment of that primordial bond of the encounter with the other.

–Do new technologies affect our romantic relationships? How?

–If there is anything that has to do with human relationships, it is presence. If technology tries to replace the encounter through a distance imposed by a technified word, the relational bridge is diminished. Sharing the encounter requires dialogue, and dialogue implies listening and presence.

–Why does friendship sustain us so much?

–Friendship is a fundamental relationship for what is not only the individual’s balance and mental health but for the construction of a group plot, of a social plot. It is the presence of that chosen brother, so to speak, who can, from the sincerity that love and interest in a bond provide, tell a truth even if it may hurt because it is a truth destined to heal, to repair, to mark something that is not where it should be at a certain moment. Friendship makes us feel accompanied, together and it is what allows us to face adversity. Civic friendship is what builds community, it is the relationship in which the group is sustained by trust, the norm, the possibility of having a project because trust allows the challenge of moving forward.

–Does using pleasure as an obligation produce de-eroticization?

–Pleasure arises from the ability to enjoy the fulfilled desire. It is not true that because I achieve a desire it is neutralized and I am waiting for something that I lack and that is what comes next. The ability to be able to enjoy the fulfilled desire has a lot to do with pleasure and allows the exercise of sensations and imagination and intimacy that are very gratifying and very strengthening. It should not be experienced as an excessive demand or obligation but rather it is the authentic encounter with that which we long for.

–Is the lack of emotional empathy a disease of the times?

–Empathy is the identification with the other without invading the other, without occupying or alienating him, sharing, without being him, what he is experiencing. Empathy enables and is closely linked to compassion, but it is also the ability to enjoy with the other his achievements and merits. Empathy and compassion are essential in the encounter between two people and it requires that closeness and intimacy between two people, it cannot be born in relationships via WhatsApp but in presence.

–Are we living in one of the most narcissistic social periods of all time?

–Narcissism is what most affects the relationship with the other because it prevents the relationship. Narcissistic people have more superficial forms of contact, it is like a shield, an armor where there is an impermeability that prevents me from staying in the other and staying the other in me. Narcissism is not a form of love for oneself, it is non-love, it is the capture in appearance that prevents depth in the relationship. Narcissism and isolation also produce a level of loneliness that causes anguish and many times this anguish is transformed into pessimism that leads to depression but many times also into violence that leads to destructive situations and that has extremely painful consequences. At this moment in this postmodern society, the narcissistic relationship is one of the points where everything seems to be so centered on hyper productivity, on speed that is actually vertigo and on a permanent feeling that nothing is enough because having has replaced being. The therapeutic work must therefore focus on opening up the armor that narcissism creates in order to incorporate the relationship with the other. Love is learned and taught by being loved and loving: it is the most essential form of transmission and exercise of love.

Love in times of hate , by José Abadi, Patricia Faur and Bárbara Abadi. (Grijalbo).