In its spell as F1 host, Miami has become America's Monaco

MIAMI -- Welcome to the Miami Grand Prix, America's Monaco.

Wow. As you all read that sentence, I could almost hear the seizing up of hearts and redlining of tempers among my fellow motorsports enthusiasts. It sounded like an all-at-once combination of Nigel Mansell's engine kill switch (or whatever) at Montreal in 1991 and Juan Pablo Montoya after getting knocked on the noggin by a camera operator.

This isn't a straight-up, one-for-one comparison of the two races. That would be too soon, unfair and, quite frankly, foolish. The equivalent to sizing up Oscar Piastri vs. Juan Manuel Fangio, or the Pop-Tarts Bowl vs. the Rose Bowl. However, when we do run this 4-year-old race up against its nearly 100-year-old granddaddy on the Mediterranean like one of those old-school car magazine Tales of the Tape, the event we shall all witness this weekend doesn't look as janky as those who initially called it the "Parking Lot GP" sold us back in 2022.

So, might I suggest grabbing a mojito and a pastel shirt and allowing me a moment to defend that statement of Miami as America's Monaco?

No, the Miami Grand Prix (Sunday, coverage begins at 2:30 p.m. ET on ABC and ESPN3) doesn't see Formula 1 cars streak through the waterfront streets of South Beach like they do in Monte Carlo -- even after so many other races with that same title did that before, right here in the Magic City. From the 1980s all the way up to 2015, sports cars, IndyCars and Formula E wove their way around the same roads where Sonny Crockett once chased bad guys (for a history lesson on that, read here).

No, there aren't multimillion-dollar yachts floating nearby, covered in scantily clad beautiful people, bobbing up and down in 26-century-old Port Hercules, sipping champagne and awaiting race cars as they launch from the exit end of the tunnel and into the Nouvelle Chicane.

And no, this weekend's racecourse isn't lined by the signature stone-and-wrought-iron-trimmed high-limit playgrounds of the rich, famous and 007-licensed to kill.

But the venue F1 is racing around this weekend does carry the name of a casino, Hard Rock Stadium. There is indeed an entire armada of very fancy yachts packed with very fancy people gulping down very fancy drinks, although these yachts famously aren't actually floating, instead anchored on trailers and surrounded by fake blue waters. Still, if you've been down there, and I have, they are the best seats on the Miami GP circuit. They are also very cool. Literally. One of the few air-conditioned spots at what can be a steamy fan experience. Granted, I didn't have to pay for the $180 carne asada nachos or the $280 lobster rolls. They were given to me to eat on TV back in 2022, but damn, they were amazing. Don't take my word for it. Because no sooner had I wiped the lemon aioli from the corner of my mouth than a dude crashed into my table like it was the first turn at Silverstone that same season.

"I gotta have another one of those empanadas, man!"

It was will.i.am.

"I'm not going to act like I am some sort of auto racing expert, because I'm not," the leader of the Black Eyed Peas, a man who knows when tonight's gonna be a good night, said to me. "But what I do know is when something is a party. A real party. This race is a real party."

Let's be honest here, the measure of greatness for any F1 event isn't the racing. It never has been in a series where one exciting overtake makes it an instant classic. And racing has certainly never been the trademark of Monaco, where passing has been at a premium since the 1970s. There have even been hearty debates in recent years -- led by, among others, Red Bull boss man Christian Horner -- that Monte Carlo might no longer belong on the Formula 1 calendar. But the true allure of grand prix racing's signature old-school event and the aspect that will always protect its place on the schedule is the event itself. The feeling. The vibes. The gold-plated barometer that has always been used to measure true F1 race weekend awesomeness.

"Look at this red carpet! It feels like we're at a movie premiere, or the Grammys!"

As with Mr. i.am's utterance, that exclamation came from the lips of a famous person, pointing at other famous people, who all seemed to be very impressed with the number of famous people in attendance for the 2023 Miami GP, even though they are all surrounded by other famous people all the time.

"I saw Serena and Venus earlier, and LL Cool J," continued Tom Cruise excitedly, as he strolled toward the grid. Yes, Cole Trickle has strolled the Miami International Autodrome, and he has done so at least twice. "I know this race is still very new and I know there are other amazing F1 venues in the United States now, but I think this place has become the must-attend Stateside event."

Mr. Trickle brings us to a great point, and one that needs to be made before we go any further. The Circuit of the Americas in Austin, Texas, now almost 13 years old, is a true F1 road course and has no shortage of celebs. See: de facto Austin mayor and United States Grand Prix host Matthew McConaughey. The Las Vegas GP, which will hold its third edition in November, is unsurpassed when it comes to spectacle. Heck, it races directly down the Las Vegas Strip! But no one will ever accuse that course, the map of which looks like the Klondike ice cream bear lying on its back, of being the greatest layout for racing.

(This is the part where American motorsports purists will scream, "But what about the Grand Prix of Long Beach?!" Long Beach is amazing. Anyone who has been there and seen racing machines streak through the Fountain Turn knows that, and F1 was there between 1976 and 1983 before Champ Car/IndyCar took over and made it their own. Everyone should go. Trust me. But alas, this is an F1 story and argument.)

Miami sits perfectly between Austin and Las Vegas when it comes to an American F1 identity. The course, while far from perfect, has come into its own. The spectacle, while not quite at the level of racing beneath the gaze of the Sphere emoji or the roller coaster atop the Stratosphere, also features more local personality than a remote, purpose-built racetrack like COTA. For proof of that statement, one needs only look up at the aqua-blue-and-coral coliseum that sits at the center of it all.

Because what three letters could possibly scream racing in the U-S-A more than roaring around a stadium made famous by the N-F-L?

"For me, that's an aspect of this location that I do love," Lewis Hamilton, never the biggest fan of the Miami Autodrome circuit itself, but apparently a fan of Hard Rock Stadium, the venue formerly known as Joe Robbie Stadium, Pro Player Park, Dolphins Stadium, Land Shark Stadium and Sun Life Stadium. The home of the Miami Dolphins and the University of Miami Hurricanes, and the former digs of the two-time World Series champion Marlins. "When they moved a lot of our hospitality and events inside the stadium the second year, walking onto that field was pretty amazing to think about all of the great moments that have happened there, especially in the NFL."

This precious pigskin plot of land, once powered by the downfield-heavy aerobatics of Dan Marino, is now home to 1,000-horsepower downforce-heavy aerodynamic wonders. The building where Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow once figured out how to defeat Bob Stoops and Sam Bradford to win the 2009 BCS Championship Game is now where F1 teams hunker down to devise their race strategies. A race that runs through parking lots that are packed with tailgaters in the fall and rattles the building where Cam Ward worked his way to top pick of last week's NFL draft will spend this weekend with McLarens, Red Bulls and Ferraris actually drafting and most definitely tailgating, as they gobble up nearly 3½ miles and 19 turns in 90 seconds.

Is it the south of France? No. It's the south of Florida. And that's OK. Because if it's good enough for Brad Pitt, Shakira and Max Verstappen, then America's Monaco should be plenty cool for the rest of us mere Miami Mortals.

"The idea behind the creation of this race was to showcase what we love about racing, but also what we love about Miami," says Emerson Fittipaldi, two-time Formula 1 world champion and longtime Miami resident. He never won in Monaco, but he did earn a pole and three podium finishes there. Emmo also added a top-10 finish in the Champ Car version of the Miami GP in 1987. "This grand prix is a wonderful time at the racetrack. I think that anyone who comes to the event or has come to the event, they will tell you that. And who doesn't want to have a wonderful time?"