Silence for emotional freedom: Why it is sometimes better to wait with your answer

Emotional Freedom: When Silence Becomes Your Ally

We live in the hectic rhythm of the moment, and this has also changed the way we communicate with each other. Today, we leave little room for listening; we process information in milliseconds, and the most important thing seems to be the response . While we pretend to be listening to our counterpart, we are actually busy preparing our response. A response, by the way, that rarely addresses the person, but rather only aims to continue our own discourse.

"Silence is merely the framework or context that makes everything else possible," says Pablo D'Ors in his "Biography of Silence." For the writer and researcher of this topic, it is crucial that we create these moments in which we try to calm our minds and observe the thoughts that race through our heads before expressing them in words or actions. Only by giving ourselves this space are we able to recognize what moves us internally and, from there, better regulate ourselves rather than react.

This is how integrative psychologist Olga Albaladejo explains it, for whom this small leeway constitutes emotional freedom and where true self-care begins. "We know from neuroscience that even a few minutes of silence can reduce stress and promote emotional integration. On a practical level, this silence is by no means passivity, but rather focused presence, a choice," she adds, adding that she has observed in her practice that people who learn to take a moment before responding find clarity, serenity, and a more coherent way of expressing their feelings in this pause.

The expert points out that silence—when used consciously—can protect us, provide clarity, or even strengthen our connection with others. It's especially useful when we feel overwhelmed, when words are superfluous, or when we need to clear our heads before we can act. Albaladejo explains that this can be a powerful tool after an argument, at the end of a stressful day, or during a difficult conversation. "In such cases, by pausing and taking a deep breath before speaking, we can get out of autopilot and focus on what we really want to say. Because sometimes we don't have nothing to say, but we need space to figure out what's important and whether it's really worth saying."

Recognize when silence speaks louder than words

In the workplace, this can be a very effective tool for conflict avoidance, especially in demanding environments where you need to know when to remain silent to defuse a tense situation. "Instead of reacting out of emotion or urgency, a moment of silence allows us to reduce the intensity and formulate our thoughts more clearly," explains the psychologist, emphasizing that a good leader doesn't always have to have the last word, but recognizes when silence is more powerful than words. "Sometimes a short pause after a question or suggestion invites deeper reflection and finding one's own path. This pause can be more powerful than any argument."

For many, however, silence brings discomfort, says the expert, because it confronts us with what we carry within us. "We live surrounded by stimuli, messages, and urgencies, and when everything stops, thoughts and emotions surface that we may have repressed. Furthermore, in many cultures, silence is interpreted as coldness, rejection, or weakness, which is why we rush to fill it."

Silence as a form of care, not punishment

She reminds us that silence isn't emptiness, but another form of communication , and that learning to deal with it is a sign of emotional maturity. "It's not easy at first, but with practice, it becomes one of the most valuable tools we have for being in the here and now and making decisions calmly." It's important to remember that respecting one's own need for silence doesn't mean ignoring others, but rather communicating from emotional honesty. "There's a big difference between silence as a form of care and silence as a form of punishment. What hurts most isn't the silence itself, but the lack of an explanation."

She suggests using phrases like, "I'm stuck for words right now, but I'm here," or "I need a moment to think about it before I answer you." This not only helps us stay true to ourselves, but also avoids making our counterpart feel rejected. "Because in healthy relationships, silence can also be a bridge, especially when you're not sure what to say."

Considered action instead of exerting pressure

If we are faced with someone who chooses to remain silent and this situation upsets us, the expert advises not to take it personally. "Not everyone processes things at the same pace and in the same way. Sometimes the other person needs silence to organize their feelings or to be able to speak more calmly. In such cases, simply being there without exerting pressure is a form of support." Here, she suggests phrases like "I'm here if you want to talk," as these are very helpful in reducing tension and providing a safe space. "Because the opposite of silence isn't always the word; sometimes it's being there and holding that space without making demands—it's also a form of care."

The interesting thing is finding the balance between silence and speaking. According to Olga Albaladejo, the key lies in intention. "There is silence that connects, and silence that divides. And there are words that build up, but also words that hurt through excess. Knowing when to speak and when to remain silent is a form of emotional wisdom that is acquired with time, experience, and genuine listening."

To endure silence is a true greatness

She reminds us that the healthiest relationships —whether personal or professional—are those that allow for open conversations, but also moments when saying nothing is necessary. "As Maruja Mallo said, 'Each person is worth as much as the silence they can endure.' And learning to simply be—without running away, without imposing words, without hiding discomfort—is also a profound form of growth."

This article originally appeared on Vogue.es .

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