How to Find Someone Who's Really Right for You? "Avoid Alcohol on the First Date"
Christian Thiel and Anna Peinelt have been advising singles and couples for over 20 years. They are authors, podcasters and organise workshops for those looking for a partner. They regularly answer questions about love, desire and romantic relationships for Welt.de.
Peinelt and Thiel recently looked at the topics they covered in three of their most popular podcast episodes this season. Many listeners asked, for example, "How do you find a pretty woman?" What do the experts advise when faced with such a dilemma?
Christian Thiel: We looked at the three most listened to episodes of the past year. One of them was the one that asked the question, "How do I find someone who's really right for me?" My standard advice is to skip the alcohol on the first date. Don't kiss at the end of the first date and don't go home with him at the end of the second date. Otherwise, you're not taking the time to focus on your emotional life.
Anna Peinelt: Exactly, you have to establish a connection with him. If you get drunk or have sex too fast and the hormones associated with it are released, then everything becomes romantic. And then you have to really think about what you're looking for. We actually know what to look for. It's a matter of matching. Also matching the patterns that we bring from childhood, from old relationships. The second most popular episode was the one that asked the question: "how to find a pretty woman?"
Thiel: You could say: We can look as average as we want. Because there are enough average-looking people out there and that's what we're seeing. That goes for both men and women. The sad thing is that women are judged by their looks. Young men are also under a lot of pressure in that area.
Peinelt: Beauty is both a blessing and a curse, but it's important to know who you're looking for. And of course, a pretty attractive woman also matches a pretty attractive man. But that doesn't mean there can't be exceptions. Because attractiveness also comes from self-confidence, self-esteem and charisma.
Thiel: Now we come to the first point on the list, which was, "Why shouldn't oral sex be considered a job for women?" I have nothing against fellatio. But sex should be fun. It's about the joy that two people feel for each other. It's not a service.
Peinelt : I suspect the episode was so successful because many people felt that sex was too much work and a chore for them.
Thiel : Another topic that constantly comes up for us is infidelity.
Peinelt : Cheating is not an effective way to save a relationship. However, liars are not always cheaters. It is often the specific dynamics of the relationship that lead to this.
The article is based on a translation of the text from the Welt.de website. Its authors are Anna Peinelt, Christian Thiel
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