Yvonne Strahovski Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye to Serena in <i>The Handmaid’s Tale</i>

Major spoilers ahead.

Last week, when I spoke to Yvonne Strahovski, the Australian actress who plays The Handmaid’s Tale super-wife-turned-assistant-to-the-resistance Serena Joy Waterford, she still had yet to watch the series finale. “Were you having a giant sob fest?” she asked of the episode. “Because I just imagine it to be a sob fest.” Her instincts were right—the final installments of the show are at times emotional, shocking, and hopeful. But Serena’s ending, in particular, lies somewhere in the middle.

After she gave June (Elisabeth Moss) and Mayday the information they needed to kill a handful of powerful commanders, including her husband, and take back Boston, Serena finds herself in limbo. “You know, I can never go back. Too many people want me dead,” she tells June of Gilead. “Canada won’t give me a passport, and neither will the EU, so looks like I’m just nobody.” June reminds Serena that she’s still her son’s mother. “Just be that,” June says before Serena boards a bus to a refugee camp, her future uncertain. Most importantly, June gives her a final gift: her forgiveness. “It is such a big turn of events for both of them, that weight lifted off their shoulders,” Strahovski says.

Here, the actress talks about what it was like to film Serena’s last scenes—plus the surprising way her storyline almost ended.

Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you’ve seen it. I haven’t seen any of this season except for the first episode.

Wow. Yeah. You know what? You’ve just sort of made it real for me. I have to probably watch the whole season first. And I don’t know how I’m going to do that, but I’m going to have to.

I’m a mom of three kids, so I’ve been full-time mom since we wrapped, and I’m loving it. So partly, I just haven’t had time [to watch]. But also, more deeply, I feel like if I watch the season, then it is really truly over, and I personally had some trouble letting go of Serena. It hit me like a ton of bricks when we finally got closer to shooting the final episodes. I just was like, “Oh my gosh, I am so sad.” And I didn’t quite understand it, but it’s been this unexpected grieving process to say goodbye to Serena. So I think I’m holding off, because maybe I’m not ready to say bye-bye all the way.

Well, at first there was a lot of discussion as to whether Serena was even going to survive this season. And when that was in serious discussion, when they were like, “Maybe we’re just going to kill her off at the end,” I felt like, if that was going to be the way that she goes, then it should be in a tragic blaze of glory, to give that satisfaction that she got what she deserved in a lot of ways. And then they changed it, which I’m really happy about. The way they’ve done it, I think it’s really thoughtful. It certainly wasn’t a blaze of glory, but it was very, very meaningful.

Yvonne Strahovski as Serena in The Handmaid’s Tale

She loses in every other way, but she wins overall, because the one thing that any mother would choose over all of that stuff is to have your baby, and she got her baby. It’s not what June can say about Hannah, and that’s gut-wrenching for June.

It’s really interesting. This is sort of the ultimate lesson, you know? She’s getting what she wants, but everything else that she utilized and used and manipulated around her to get there, she doesn’t have anymore. She doesn’t have power, she doesn’t have control, she doesn’t have a country to live in. It’s really interesting that she can sort of learn to have grace and gratitude and be humble and start to understand the impact of some of her choices that she made.

It was really emotional. I mean, I was really emotional the whole time, finishing everything. It was important to me that we do end with that element of hope with Serena, despite her circumstances, because within that hope, I think she does have gratitude. That’s an important step for her to take in this journey.

Oh man. I mean, June was her biggest victim. June [personified] every single thing that was wrong with Gilead and in her faith, and she was never going to let her forget it and was always going to make her pay for it.

Serena has to face herself, and I don’t think she’s really done that yet. And facing oneself, given what she’s done in her lifetime, is really a lot. She’s got a lot of shame to deal with. Maybe it’s easier to deal with that shame with June’s forgiveness, finally. I think it also gives Serena validation that she is a good person on the inside, even though I don’t think that’s what June is thinking in giving her that forgiveness. That’s just how Serena is translating that in her brain because that’s what she needs to hear: “I am a good person, and I have good intentions, even though that’s not what everyone else thinks.”

But also, if there were a hypothetical season 7, then maybe her giving her that acceptance and forgiveness is just going to excuse Serena from doing the hard work of feeling the shame herself, you know?

One of my favorite moments is that scene where [June] says, “I can’t forgive you,” and then there’s this flip side of it. I think it’s torment for both of them that June can’t forgive Serena. June wants to be rid of her and not think about her anymore, and she just can’t do it. So she’s continuously tortured. It is such a big turn of events for both of them, that weight lifted off their shoulders.

It’s never a clear “yes” or a clear “no” answer for me, with anything with regards to Serena. If there was a short answer, it’d be more “no” than “yes.”

She’s had some great moments. She’s obviously made some decisions that might appear heroic, like giving June the information of where the commanders are going to be, so they can blow up the plane. But ultimately, I think these are just itty-bitty baby steps of showing signs of redeemable qualities. Then the real test would be the longevity and the consistency.

No, actually the last scene we shot was the one that aired in episode 9 in the chapel where she asks me to hand over the information about the commanders.

I’m a terribly emotional person anyway, so I just was sobbing all day. I just couldn’t get it together, really. Knowing that this massive thing is coming to an end is just insane. Professionally, this has meant so much to me, to transition into a role that’s in a series that’s been noticed and critically acclaimed across the world and has meant so much to people. But also personally, this has spanned almost a decade of our lives. Serena has been with me as I’ve gotten engaged, gotten married, birthed three babies. It’s such a huge chapter of all of our lives.

So, it’s such a strange experience to say goodbye. I’m just so thankful to have been given this opportunity to have a role like this and be trusted with this, and be able to take Serena and fly with her and for her to fly with me—and for the writers to never have given up on challenging me and trusting me with some of the toughest, strangest, craziest material ever. The bar has been raised very high now in terms of, “Well, what’s next? What’s going to make me feel as satisfied creatively as this role?” It’s a tough act to follow.

I agree with you. She’s probably the only person that would ever say something like that. It is definitely a special moment. Also, I wanted it to be genuine. But, because of the nature of their relationship, it could also be seen as a little bit of a poke and a bit of a stab—which is why it’s just so exhilarating to play this character, because there are so many layers to each thing that comes out of her mouth.

Sam Jaeger as Mark Tuello and Strahovski as Serena

Oh my gosh, I know. Although I haven’t seen the full season, I’ve seen clips of scenes here and there, and I did see that one where he saunters into Commander Lawrence’s house, and they see each other for the first time in God knows how long. They gave him this sort of heroic saunter into the room, and I did see some comments like, “Daddy Tuello has rocked up,” or something. I find it so, so funny.

We did joke that his line to me when he says, “I’ll find you,” was exactly pulled from The Last of the Mohicans when Daniel Day-Lewis said, “I will find you!” We were laughing our asses off.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.